Passive / agressive dog poop…

Not everyone is a dog person. I get that. But what kind of sad and miserable life must you have had to become such a vindictive, curmudgeon that you feel the need to bag up dog poop and place it on someone’s doorstep?! I mean, come on!!!!

First, I should tell you that I am a militant pooper-scooper. I carry doggie poop-bags in a cute little designer poop-bag tote. I have given MANY  people lectures on what dog poop can do to our water system if left in our yards. My boys can bag a poop in 4.5 seconds flat. (Yes, we timed them…how else do you get kids to pick up poop if it’s not a game / competition?)

Having said that, I can tell you that beyond a shadow of a doubt…that dog poop was NOT left by Wickette or our new foster.

Even though I know that, it bugs me to no end that someone in my neighborhood thinks I let my dogs do a poop-n-dash.

IT WASN’T ME!!! (er…I mean…my dogs)

At least this dope left the poop in a bag. (That’s the passive part) I guess it could’ve been worse, a Texas couple was SHOT and killed by their neighbor over dog poop. Get a life, people!

I decided to just suck it up and let the poop-vigilanty get out their hostility, albeit misplaced, UNTIL…I woke up this morning to find a SECOND bag left on my porch! OK, the gauntlet has been thrown:

I have to tell you that was NOT my first draft. I had to rewrite it when I remembered that my sons would be reading it when they got home from school. I’m just not ready to explain what certain words mean in the grown-up world.

PS The poop is so small, I don’t even think it’s dog poop. I think this ignoramus is actually leaving raccoon poop on my porch. DUH!!!